Confidence: The freedom of doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities.
Self: The identity, character, or essential qualities of any person or thing.
Self-confidence is not something you learn overnight. Everything you think and say and do affects your confidence and self-esteem. To establish self-confidence, you must be willing to take control of your life and whatever is holding you back. If you have a setback, do not let it get the best of you. Overcoming the obstacles and challenges you face daily transforms you. Believing in the validation of ourselves before we can take any validation from society. Stopping and taking an internal survey is one of the few things you have control over.
“We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful.
When it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone”
– Jennifer Aniston
Most people would have never guessed my insecurity: I struggled with my size 0 size. However, is anyone ever happy being a size 0 or is it just the media’s propaganda? I was so skinny that people would often compare me to a twig. You can’t fit into most clothing the way you imagined it so you resort to shopping in the Pre-teen and kids section. You are consistently being asked if you’re eating, people insisting on picking you up only to comment on how light you are, people suggesting that you aren’t allowed to have insecurities about your appearance because you’re skinny, my favorite when people ask you why you are working out. I can expect a plus-size person to understand the challenges I faced, just as much as I can’t understand theirs. “My great hope is for us as young women to start being kinder to ourselves so we can be kinder to each other, & stop (describing) people as ‘too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall’—anything” -Emma Stone. Besides, body comparisons or comparisons of any sorts are stupid, we are not all born with the same DNA, so we scientifically could and should not look the same.
“Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.” -Tina Fey
No one is born with “confidence” or self-confidence, self-love, or high self-esteem. We all have flaws, it’s just flawed differently. This image of a “perfect woman” is NOT REAL. Confidence comes from self-love. I’ve been learning to love myself more than ever with my new added pounds. I never looked up to the skinny girls that were my size, I always been fonder of “confident” women. No matter what size, you will know when you see a self- confident woman. My Grandma and Mother will always tell me “Be proud of what Allah gave you.” Until this year I never knew why they kept repeating this. I always thought it had to do with just my body. They knew if I didn’t start loving myself in the way Allah intended I would start altering myself, to give myself the Jamaican dance hall ass, the Caucasian nose, the doll tits, the full lips, etc. You should take pride in the amazing features you were born with despite what we see in the media which finds every excuse to kill your confidence. “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” — Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
“A girl on fire is somebody who is completely herself.” — Alicia Keys
The shoot was inspired by my continues path to “Self-discovery” and “Self-Confident”. I learned that day before the pictures can come out the way I like I had to be comfortable with my own body. My confidence that day came from being asked: “What is Beyonce’s alter ego name?.” I quickly replied and said “Yoncé! Sasha Fierce is out, and Yoncé is in!” My first pictures came out very tense like, but until You build that confidence You won’t get the results You want. It is said that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. What is beautiful to one person may not be as radiant to another. With that being said, build yourself, nobody else can build you.” Everything that you want to be you already are, and you are simply on the path of discovering it.” — Alicia Keys
“You look much better when you’re comfy.” – Melissa McCarthy
Simple steps to building self-confidence
- Get to know yourself.
- Listen to Uplifting Music. *My favorite: Rachel Platten – Fight Song
- Compliment yourself daily.
- Cultivate an “attitude of gratitude.”
- Create a plan to pay off debt or start saving.
- Write it down & Seek It.
- Surround yourself with positivity.
- Mediate (Yoga, Reading, Gym, etc)
- Dress for Comfort.
- Spread encouraging post-it notes everywhere.
- Apply makeup, whatever makes you feel beautiful.
- Fake it til you make it.
- Take a Social Media Break. (30-DAY DETOX)
- Be good to yourself.
*Not in Order
Advisory/Warning Note: This is my journey and how I gained my confidence. The advice given on this blog may not work for you. It is called self-love and self-confidence. You must find what works for you. Thank you.
“Whether you come from a council estate or a country estate, your success will be determined by your own confidence and fortitude.” – Michelle Obama’
Images by Kevin Lukusa